March 19, 2004

"Pooh on Church Committee Meetings"

Being the father of young children, I have grown quite familiar and fond of some of their favorite storybook characters.  I even go so far at times as to mentally make note of parallels between the behavior of these animated creatures and things we often find in “real life.”

            Take Winnie-the-Pooh, for example.  If one were to attend a leadership meeting of the First Church of Pooh Corner, with Pooh presiding, one might overhear the following.

            Winnie-the-Pooh, turning to Piglet, whispers, “What is it I do now?  I can’t seem to remember.”

Piglet whispers his reply, “You’re supposed to call the meeting to order, Pooh.  You ARE the chairperson.”

“Oh, quite right.  Thank you, Piglet.”  Pooh then turns to everyone surrounding the table, “I call this meeting to order.  I AM the chairperson, you know.”

“Bravo, Pooh!” proclaims Owl.  “Well said!”

“Atta boy, Buddy Bear!” shouts Tigger.  “Show ‘em what you’re made of!”

“Thank you,” says Pooh, bowing.  “Now if there is no other business, I suggest we adjourn for lunch.”

Piglet fidgets and whispers, “But, Pooh!  We haven’t discussed any business yet!”

Rabbit, overhearing Piglet, chimes in, “That’s right!  Pooh Bear, we need to address the serious problem of ‘Moral Decay’ in the Hundred Acre Wood!”

“Moral Decay?” says Pooh, putting a honey-colored paw to his mouth.  “What’s that, Rabbit?”

“Oh, you know.  It’s when Heffalumps and Woozels do… well, when Heffalumps and Woozels do the nasty things Heffalumps and Woozels do!  They’re all around us!  They’re taking over!”

Piglet’s ears prick up.  “Oh, d-d-dear!  Heffa-heffalumps and Woozles?!?” he stammers.

Tigger, beginning to bounce in his seat, rejoins with, “Don’t forget them Jagulars, too!”

“J-j-jagulars!?!” squeaks Piglet.

 “That’s right!” retorts Rabbit.  “They’re the reason our church never grows!  They’re the reason that souls don’t get saved!  They must be gotten rid of!  What are we going to do about it?”

Eeyore wags his head side-to-side in a most gloomy way.  “It probably doesn’t matter what we do.  It’s the end of life as we know it.”  He sighs despondently.

“Oh, my!” cackles Owl.  “I remember when our church was overflowing.  It was such a wonderful time!  Indeed, my cousin, Owlberta, would plan such superb potluck dinners….”

Gopher rolls his eyes at Owl’s comments.  “I say we build!  Twelve stories!  If we build it, they will come!”  He leans over towards Eeyore.  “Everybody knows that!” he grumbles.

“Not that my opinion matters much,” moans Eeyore, “since no one ever listens to me, but it’s probably too late to reach them anyway.”

Pooh suddenly brightens.  “I have an idea!”  His expression suddenly turns blank.  “Oh, bother!  I forgot it.”

Ignoring Pooh, Rabbit begins again, “Building will never work.!”  He produces a huge stack of papers and slams it onto the table.  “I’ve taken the liberty of outlining a 144 step plan for action in the Hundred-Acre-Wood.  It’s all spelled out here in these 800 pages.  Fight the Heffalumps and Woozels on their own terms, I say!”  He slams his fist down on the papers, scattering them into the air.

“Don’t forget the Jagulars!” shouts Tigger as he bounces off his chair.

Pooh sighs and then says, “What do you think, Piglet?  Piglet?”  He looks under the table for the missing Piglet.  “Oh, there you are, Piglet,” he says as relief floods his face.  “I was worried for a moment.”

“What is it, Pooh?” squeaks Piglet from under the table.

“What is what, Piglet?” Pooh puzzles, scratching his head.

“What were you asking me?”

“I can’t remember,” Pooh replies.  “It is so hard to remember things when all you have for brains is fluff.”

Rabbit tries to pull a paper out from under Piglet, who is still cowering under the table.  “Pooh,” he declares, “you were clearly going to ask what we should do about the Heffalumps and Woozels.”

Tigger is now bouncing enthusiastically all around the room.  “Ha, ha!  And Jagulars!”

Gopher leaps to his small, furry feet.  “Build!” he shouts.

Rabbit waves his arms around.  “No!  Social action!”

“Aw, c’mon, guys!” replies Tigger, punching the air.  “Let’s just take to the streets and fight ‘em all off!  Fightin’ Heffalumps and Woozels and them ridicerous Jagulars is what us Tiggers do the bestus!”

“Couldn’t we just hide?” squeaks Piglet’s voice from under the table.

“They’ll probably have us for lunch anyway!” moans Eeyore.

“What wonderful times we once had!” coos Owl.  “Oh, I remember the Great Revival!  My Uncle Owlvin would preach and….”

The room fills with the noise of everyone talking at once.  Rabbit’s papers are again flung everywhere.  Gopher and Tigger are squaring off as if they’re going to come to blows.  Eeyore eyes everyone and moans about the dismal future.  Owl continues to talk excitedly about the past and the only part of Piglet that can be seen is his curly-cue tail protruding from under the table cloth.

            Pooh timidly taps his gavel.  “I have another idea.”  No one notices so he clears throat and speaks louder and with a growly voice.  “I said ‘I have another idea.’”  Everyone stops speaking and Tigger stops bouncing.  “Couldn’t we just reach out to the Heffalumps and Woozels?  Oh, yes… and the Jagulars?  After all, they need God’s love, too.”  His proposal is met with silence at first.

            Then suddenly…

“My word!” says Owl.  “That’s just what Uncle Owlvin said!”

“Ha, ha!” guffaws Tigger.  “What a great idea, Pooh-boy!”

“S-s-s-say!” whistles Gopher through his teeth.  “That IS-s-s a good idea!”

“Oh, my!” Rabbit replies.  “I never thought of that!”

Eeyore continues to look gloomy.  “I s’pose it might work… but it prob’ly won’t.”

Piglet’s head pops out from under the tablecloth.  “That’s a very good idea, Pooh.”

“Why, thank you, Piglet,” Pooh replies.  “Now may we break for lunch?  There’s a certain pot of honey calling to my stomach!”

In Matthew 5:13 Jesus says, “You are the salt of the earth.  But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?  It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.”

(Thom Mollohan has ministered in southern Ohio the past eight years and is currently the pastor of Pathway Community Church.   He and his wife are the parents of three children.   He may be reached by email at pastorthom@pathwaygallipolis.com).